first day at school

I woke up today with a scene in my mind. Me, sitting at the back of a big classroom. Now, I don't remember almost anything about my childhood, but I surely, and clearly remember my first day at school. 'Cause you never forget that.
So I'm five again (I won't be six till May). It's really early in the morning and it's cold. I should be feeling tired, 'cause I never wake up so early, but I'm anxious, and scared. In fact, I didn't get any sleep last night. I spent hours rolling over in my bed, wondering what my new classmates would be like (for the record, this was my first year at this school, so I didn't know nobody).
My mom has walked me to school, and I know that she has to leave, but I wait for something to happen at the last minute and prevent her from leaving me there, alone, surrounded by strangers.
But nothing happens, and so my mom kisses me goodbye. She turns around once, and I look at her, like saying: 'mommy, please, don't', but she doesn't notice (does she?).
Anyway, this awful bell that would be part of my following seven years rings for the first time. I look everywhere, like trying to see the panic that I'm experiencing in other faces, but no one seems to notice.
So we get to our classroom. Shit, it's big. Bigger that I thought. As I get into it, I dare to look at some of my classmates. They are all friends, from kindergarten. I will be the only intruder. The good thing is that they are so freaking exited (don't know why) that they lose interest in me after some moments. Now, where am I going to sit? Aha, there's a chair with a desk at the very back of the classroom. Perfect! Till the teacher gets here (it will take her years) I can observe these kids that had turned out to be my classmates (and future friends, at least two of them).
Our teacher arrives (already yelling at us), and with this big, frightening smile, she would go: 'Buenos días, chicos', and then the classic: 'Bue-nos-dí-as-se-ño-ri-ta (whatever). And I realize that I hadn't said anything, so I get the first look of the morning (there will be more) from the teacher.
After I don't know what the hell, we would be asked to work in pairs. Everybody has a partner to work with, except me. So the teacher looks at me. No. Please, no. Don't do that! Don't talk to me! So I instinctively shut my eyes, and when I open them, everyone is looking at me: ...so she will be your new classmate. Her name's Barbara. Now, who wants to work with her?' Do I really have to say that nobody wanted to make group with me? Isn't it obvious?
So the freaking teacher goes: 'well, if don't say anything, I'll tell Barbara to choose a classmate'. WHAT??? Like, you seriously want me to do that? They'll hate me! So I get paralyzed, and in the end she chooses for me. I get to this group of so fashionable girls (yeah, at that age), that would talk to each other all the time about the pencil case that matches with the schoolbag and their eyes, or something.
So we do something, and then it's break time. All right, three more stupid hours here and I'll be free. But what about tomorrow? I don't think I will make it.
So now I know that all my existential problem has always been dued to that first day at school!