courage is needed

These are some of the things I should tell you the next time I see you: first of all, I love you, ok? I don`t know why, 'cause I've never had the courage to speak to you properly, but somehow you produce good things on me. I light up whenever I see you (I also get very dumb when you are around, but that's other thing). I get sleep thinking about you, and that is weird, even to someone like me. This love that I feel for you is killing me. I am not able to aproach to you (not in this life), and you don't even know that I exist. Well, here is a clue. It's me, the girl that walks five extra blocks just to avoid you, or the one that doesn't do the shopping anymore, 'cause your house is next to the grocery's. Or that one that asks "casual" questions to her brother about you. It's easy to see how crazy I am since the day I realized that I'm in love with you. Please don't think that I'm gonna call you at 3.00 in the morning to tell you that, or practice black magic just to have you with me. I'm not that insane. But it would be great if you knew that I dream about you constantly. I wish that somehow you could notice me. I wish there was a way. Sometimes at night, I go back to the moments in which I found out something new about you: your name, the football team you support, and some other superficial things that could only matter to a desperate person like me. So, my advice is don't worry about me. Just ignore me, and let me love you. I'll ruin my life, but the good thing is that you don't have to do anything. You don`t even have to pretend that you care about it. Let me be the one who suffers. If someday by any chance you decide to talk to me, I'll probably scream first (please, ignore that), and after I recover I'll be very pleased to talk to you too. Remember that there is a crazy person that feels a hole in her heart that nothing can full. Hope things change for me. I almost forgot: I know the first thing I wrote is that I`ll let you know how I fell about you, but I might not (coward!).

welcome back, Mr. Hyde!

So it happened again. Things were going well, pretty well I`d say, and just like this, everything got screwed up, again. Last week it was my dear niece`s b-day and we were having a great time, when suddenly, some relatives of those that you see just a couple of times in your life (or less, if you are lucky) decided to show up, unexpectedly, uninvited. I don`t know how the hell they did it, but when I looked again, there were people all around my home, invading it, acting as if they were the owners of the house. I myself felt like a complete stranger at my own fricking house, for God`s sake! I know, I`m overreacting, but that`s how I felt. It`s unfair that I have to hide at my bedroom waiting for them to leave. Of course, there`s no need to say how much of a monster I feel doing that on such a special day, but the truth is I can't help it. My Mr Hyde comes whenever it feels like, and I just witness its destruction. I can only watch what a hideous person I turn into when this beast is released.
I just wish there was a simple and effective way of avoiding this awful sensation. I wish someone had the answer. I don't want to ruin anybody's life. Honestly, I don't. But how do I mend this? I don't think it's even my fault in the first place. Then why should I get responsible for something that also hurts me? A magical answer, please? Don't have it either, hu? Fuck-

miss you

It was just a moment. A fraction of second in which my heart decided to let you go. I could have said something: I should have stopped you and instead, I remained there, watching, aching, sobbing.And it`s only now that I realize that a part of me has gone with you. Now I can understand how much I love you. Now I regret all those times in which I used to think: there`s time to love you. How stupid I was in letting you go! If I could go back in time, I would hold you so tight, you would never ever ever think about leaving. I miss you terribly. I miss your simple laugh, your innocent eyes and your voice; oh!, that voice that meant the world to me and which was capable of transporting me to a world with no pain and no fear at all. I would give anything to have you back, but at the same time I know that that`s the selfish me. The usual me that gets so nasty trying to get everything. Like I said, deeply in my heart I knew that it was the right thing todo. I guess I didn`t count on how hard the process of letting you go would be. I can feel the pain so real, so frightening, so big. I miss you terribly, sweetheart.