Have you ever felt this? I have. I remember the first time I felt it. Five years ago my friends have decide to go out a lovely evening in Summer. The weather was great and I hadn´t seen them in a while, so I was unxious for our encounter. I got off the bus, trying to organize in my mind all the things I wanted to tell them. As I was walking I started to feel that my legs shaked. I smiled at first for that unusual sensation, but soon it became awful: Ididn´t have control of my body, and I thought that I would faint. I checked my hands and they were very palid, almost white. My heart beated fast, I could hardly breath and I had the impression that all the people in the streets had stopped to see me. I continued walking without knowing exactly where to, and when I got to where my friends were waiting, they looked at me and realized, without much that something wrong has going on. I stutterned an explanation and they helped me sit on a banch. After a couple of minutes it dissapeared and I felt better.
Since then, I have lived again this experience, and I figured out what was about only a couple of years ago.
My mom has asked me many times to describe to her what is it that I feel when I have a panic attack, and I say that I could summarize it in one word: panic. I feel the lost of reality, and the lost of control. Whenever I have this, I want to go home inmediately, ´cause I think that there I´ll be safe. I always tend to look for a familiar face that ´ll soothe me, but it never appears, and so I get worse.
I cannot still understand what is the reason of these attacks, that from time to time get quite severe. I cannot predict where or when or with who I´ll get the symptoms that I´m so afraid of. I can only assure that this problem has made my life more complicated and caotic. Most of the times I think it more than twice before saying “yes” to an invitation to go out. I´m afraid that I´ll have an attack at any moment, and that freakings me out.
Therapy hasn´t been of much help for the time being, but I hope that one day I´ll get rid of this desease that takes control of my life when it shows up. Living like this is not living at all, trust me.
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2 comments:
I understand what happens to you,because I suffered from the same.today I´m ok,but I was three years locked in my house not being able to go out,because of my panic attacks and my phobias.It´s an awful disease, and I don´t know why it occurs.I still go to theraphy and it helps me a lot,and now I can say that I´m fine.Even though it appears sometimes,my therapist taught me how to control it,it is not so easy but it works in a way.they are a kind of relaxation exercises.I want to tell you that you are not alone;unfortunately there are a lot of people suffering from this terrible disease.I hope you get better,anything you need just ask me.kisses and hugs
mauricio
Hi, Barby! I bumpled into your blog accidentally, by following Jessica's blogroll...
ANyway, I read your post, and I wanted to tell you that I had suffered the same kind of attacks last year... but I could go through it thanks to therapy and a three-month-treatment with a good doctor in Tucuman! I hope you can overcome this awful situation, and to do so, I wanted to say that thre's a way out for this...
I hope you recover soon and for good!
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