m-u-s-i-c!

Music. Great invention. Divine. I let it travel through me. Let it inspire me in an unique way. I love music. I need it. Everyday, I wake up with a song in mind. A melody. A far away tune that brings me memories. Music ties everything up. We make friends due to music. We even fall in love 'cause of it. Whenever I listen to one of my favourite songs (isn't that great? to say 'my' songs?), I feel something. Like I listened to it for the very first time. And I just let it work its magic. I may be feeling like singing or not, but the song I choose will always have that effect on me. An effect that I know by heart, and yet every time is different, like a first time, each time.
I have learnt many things from music. Have learnt not to give up, and in some cases to do give up, to step aside.
Most times a song has had the power to change my mood, not always for better, but even there you can see how powerful this ancestral gift of God is.
So let's just enjoy, and be fed by the rythm, the sensations and the everyday poem, sang by the everyday artist. It's just magic. You feel the same? Good, 'cause then I know that you'll do this trip with me, and if we get lost, we'll simply listen to the wise melody, and that'll do.

I won't think

Lilies that sorruond my innert body.
Music that comes from a far away place.
Everybody's going to the funeral, and I'm just watching.
This is my end, then.
Peace I feel, birds I see.
I will have someone to take care of me back there in eternity.
And I won't fear no more.
I won't escape, I promise.
For I will have found you,
And you and I, will be one.
We'll return at night, to see people passing by.
Not seeing us, ignoring us.
Just as always.
There won't be no pain,
And Iwill finally say I love you
I'm sorry.
Don't leave me. Come with me.
Eternity is a way back, and I don't want to feel lonely.
Not again.
But I won't think.
I'll keep my promise and won't think.
I know you'll come to me.
Somehow, someday.
Till that day
I won't think.

what do I write about?

Don't know what to write about. Crisis. Desperation. Two entries to go and I'm free. But what? What do I say? Since last year I have literally written my life down. And now I have no idea of what to say.
Let's see: so far I have written about me, me, me, my family, me, my friends, my school, me , the shrink, teachers, me, seasons, people I love, people I hate (screw you!), books, pets, me, being homesick, being sick, being in love (more than sick), memories from the past, funny annecdotes, best friends ever, me boy, music, God, even these corky poems, and now I'm just in white.
So what can I say that you don't already know about me? This blog is really a reflection of myself. Thanks to it I've been able to discover aspects I didn't even know that existed on me. And I'm not saying it's all been great, but it's been useful, somehow. But that doesn't help now, 'cause I should be writing about something interesting, or at least something. But no. Can't do it.
C'mon, think of something. THINK! There has to be something: like this morning when you saw him again (forget it, too embarrassing), or how about last Tuesday on the bus, when you couldn't breath 'cause you had the 'thing' again? No. Ok, I got it: write about your first day at Lola Mora's Institude. Why? So that you have something you fool! Ok, you know what? I don't need you, so thanks, conscience, angel, other me or whatever you are, but leave it. I'll think of something myself. Serves you right, then. All right, help me. Hey, I'm talking to you! Where are you going? Wait up!!!

christmas again

Let's supposse it's December. Let's pretend it's 24th. That means problems in my sick mind. I don't like Christmas at all. Why? Because it reminds me of bad things. It's been another year that I have deliberately left God aside. Me and Him, we have a strange relationship, you know? I have told Him that I will not go to church again. And that I don't want Him to worry about me.
In what refers to church, I don't feel ok when I go there. I barely enjoy being with people at that place. I feel a complete impostor, like someone taht needs to pretend that she's a good person. I am not a good person, not if I hurt God that way. But at the same time I can't help it: from where I see it, it's not a matter of faith, but of cheating on my Father. And I don't want to that, so that's why I had decided that.
However, God is in everything I do. I know that He walks at my sidde, watching me, helping me rise when I fall. I wish He didn't do that. It's not that I believe I don't need Him, how could I? It's just that I don't want Him to lose time with me.
So that's a number one reason why I don't like Xmas. And then it's these people, that would say 'Have a happy Christmas' and whatever, and the rest of the year they would simply through their car over you, just because it's in their nature. Wouldn't it be better if we acted more like we do every day? Or maybe that's the magic of this celebration, and I am not aloud to see it. Maybe next year.

black & white = darkness & light

So I finally told our language teacher that Iwouldn't sit for the makeup. Boy, was I embarrassed! But I have to deal with it. I had had a whole year to work on this blog stuff, and I could have done better. Now what I can say in my defense is that I don't like surfing the Internet (makes me nervous). But that's not an excuse.
And to think that I could have passed (yeah, without the grammar part!!!). Anyway, what's done it's done, and now I have to concentrate on the final. It won't be easy, but I have to trust myself that I'll do it. Cause if not, if I start with this 'I'm afraid' thing, it will be a dissaster.
Last night, after I told him, I couldn't sleep. And when I did, I had nightmares (no kidding), but this morning I woke up telling myself that this may be happening for some important reason (not just because I'm a freaking lazy girl), but because after I sit for the final, whatever the results are, I will appreciate more my knowledge and my capacity. Amen.

lovely evening

It's winter. This evening me and my girls (my best friends from high school) went out to have dinner. I was happy to see them again, 'cause we don't see each other that much. And I had a surprise for them: I took with me some of the sweet, crazy letters that they wrote me during our five years together at school. I have them with me just like a priceless treasure, that reflect an unforgetable time of our lives.
So we got to this great place, and I showed them the letters. First, they couldn't believe that I still would have them, and besides they didn't remember most of them, but we agree on reading them afterwards. So we had dinner, all of us taking turns to talk about our present lives: how are we doing at university (or school, in my case), work and how are things going on with our families. And of course, the love part (are we dating someone? How does he look like?, etc) is always a must in our encounters.
So we are having a great time, and after dinner I put the letters on the table, and we start reading. Nadia will be in charge of making the voices and pauses. And we start laughing 'cause this moment really transports us back to high school days. We remember each situation, and in case they don't, I make them remember, 'cause I have read these letters so many times, I know them by heart.
The funniest thing is that while we are reading, a young woman passes by. She looks at us and kind of paralyzes for a second. We look at her as well and realize that this girl also was our classmate in high school (for the record, we hated her!, and she felt the same thing for us) So we start laughing so hard 'cause like Vicky says, it's a flashback!
I'm home now, and I just feel happy. I've seen my best friends in the whole world and once again I had the chance to share a lovely evening with these amazing girls that are so part of ly life.

make good use of time

The other day our teacher told us about the idea of taking advantage on time, and how is it that different cultures relate to it. He told us that Americans really have an organized life, and they plan everything.
So I was thinking about this. I am an authentic 'hija del rigor'. I don't do things unless it's due for now. And even when I don't always act like this, it happenes to me that I never manage to administrate my time in a clever way. So every month, when I have this work to do at home with my computer, Iwould spend a whole night awake (really awake), 'cause next day I have to present everything.
And the same thing happens with the blog: it's November now, and I'm writing entries like crazy, only because during the whole year I kept putting it off. I wrote many things on paper, but I could have done better and put them in my blog. So you see what an irresponsible lady I am. I had chances of promover Language, but if I don't get the entries and stuff ready, I won't be able to.
Now, why don't we learn, as a society I mean, to use time in a proper way? Why do we always wait till the last minute or to something to happen that wil avoid us to do what we have to do?
We could be much better, couldn't we?